One should never judge the book by its cover, but it is actually true that Paris is the city of love. Of course, it goes without saying that by love, one should understand something usually way less adorable than we are used to seeing when Paris comes into the picture. Rest assured, it takes little time to become pretty apparent to anyone who dares to settle in this city. But let’s take an example. In the 21st century, more casual than serious relationships have become very common, and it happens for a reason. Why bother with somebody bringing undesirable qualities into one’s life when one can enjoy only the good parts of being with that person? In that matter, living in Paris is very convenient, and finding a lover here is probably easier than ordering a pizza. Chances are this is why, for what we call friends with benefits euphemistically, French people picked the name plan cul, literally meaning ‘ass plan’. Given the popular expression bon plan referring to good deals in retail or gastronomy, I can easily imagine people ordering ‘Monsieur, un plan cul pas trop cuit s’il vous plait’.
Now that we are at it, this lovely French term is free from any ambiguity. With English benefits or chill, one could act like a lawyer and mess with the interpretation, but not in France. Yet, the language has seemingly not adapted to Parisian standards, which often evoke other needs, and plan cul doesn’t really cover them. It is manageable to find another person who happens to have them, but one has to play their cards well. Thus I decided to come up with this humble guide about possible options in casual dating, hoping that developers working on dating apps will take the cultural nuances of frustrated Parisians into account while upgrading Tinder, Bumble, or any application of this kind.
Plan Bouffe (Food Plan)
A man has to eat in order to live. Whether one likes it or not, one has to comply with this very rule of the universe that makes our existence possible. Some people, however, smartly decided that since they have no choice but to accept the inescapable necessity of consumption, they may as well take pleasure in it. These individuals contributed to the fact that our societies evolved from eating meat with wild plants, berries, and mushrooms into something more sophisticated. Over the centuries, we kept developing our palates to end up with a phenomenon we call being a foodie. Today, eating isn’t perceived merely as a dull chore. For many, it’s a way of living, let alone a passion. Thus, ingesting good quality sustenance is highly estimated in their hierarchy of needs. This lifestyle is usually also followed by the constant urge to surround oneself with other members of the tribe, and being able to share a meal is often more crucial to forming a relationship than sharing a cul. Whether it would be about exploring restaurants in the city or exchanging cooking skills and praises, these are the people who’d surely welcome an option to openly point out food as the factor that seals the deal.
Plan Four (Oven Plan)
Developing a more elaborated taste in food resulted in discovering the hidden pleasures of cooking. Yet, for some individuals, it wasn’t enough. And that was the moment when they realized that baking gives them more dopamine. Nevertheless, weirdly, as for a country famous for its bread and pastry, the vast majority of Parisian apartments were planned by people who did not think someone in this city could develop a passion for baking. Kitchens, if you can even use this word to describe them, function both like IKEA furniture and premium accounts. First, one has to come to terms with using an assembled alter ego of a range. Second, you realize that its basic version does not include an oven, so you have to pay extra to unlock this feature at a local electronics store. However, owing to scarce space in most Parisian apartments, even a separate oven can be too much. But worry not! The number of these appliances in the world most likely prevails over the number of people who love baking, and ofttimes, their owners secretly dream of a friend who would make homemade bread or cake in their oven to share later on. That being said, contrary to what it might seem, bakers have the best chances to have their needs satisfied in this race. So, make it until you bake it.
Plan Lave-linge (Washing Machine Plan)
In many countries washing machine is an absolutely standard amenity that almost everyone has at home. However, in Paris, the washing machine is a status symbol since many apartments in Paris lack the appropriate plumbing to install the appliance. The high density of laundromats in the city is the best indicator of how many people weren’t lucky enough to have this convenience. Even though one must admit that these establishments have some undeniable charm, it’s hard to appreciate it when one gets to know its disadvantages profoundly. If having to pay wasn’t annoying enough, those who are doomed to use laundromats must pay attention to make sure nobody steals their clothes or doesn’t throw them on the floor to put theirs inside. Considering the number of people who wear luxury brands in the streets, it must be undoubtedly an even greater risk. It’s easy to imagine that after a hard day at work, nobody desires to idly wait, standing for at least half an hour in a room with painfully bright light. For many, this is probably the moment of conceiving an intrusive thought about how wonderful would it be to have a washing machine, leave it carelessly to do its work, and enjoy some spare time without any worries. Luckily, there is a reasonable amount of private washing machines in the vicinity whose owners wouldn’t mind sharing their appliances for a small gift. Not to mention the opportunity to get to know one’s neighbors. It’s definitely the best plan to kill two birds with one stone.
Plan Lit-Pas-Convertible (Real-Bed-Instead-Of-Convertible Plan)
Becoming an adult means inevitably realizing at some point that good sleep is priceless. Surprisingly, despite the number of individuals who reached that age and population aging, proper sleep is still not considered a fundamental human right. Sadly, nature didn’t give the human body the ability to get well rested by itself. Hence, we can’t achieve this very important goal without specific equipment such as beds, mattresses, and sheets. The problem is that even when they are affordable, they also take a hefty amount of space. Therefore, not only are we limited by the cost of things we need to rest properly, but we also have to be mindful (again!) of our apartment’s size, which in Paris, more often than not, is comparable to a mouse hole. That being the case, most Parisians sleep on cheap, convertible couches or small single beds. One can quickly figure out these are not the most comfortable ways to rest. Should one get tired of unfolding the bed every night, back pain, or lack of ability to move freely, it’s unquestionably reasonable to look for a companion with better sleeping conditions. In other words, improvise, adapt, overcome.
Plan Baignoire (Bathtub Plan)
Indisputably, even if not often used, bathtubs are the jewel in the crown of Parisian luxuries. The ability to take a bath is the supreme sign of being privileged in Paris, as it usually implies the number of square meters that amount to a whopping rent exceeding the capability of an ordinary person. Yet, there are various ways to get access to a bathtub. Many people usually omit the financial obstacle by moving in with their partners or living in a shared apartment, not rarely located in suburban areas. But these methods are out of the question for those who are not very fond of living with others or happen to be single. In this case, it appears that the only feasible solution is persuading someone into sharing their bathtub. If good, old sharing is caring doesn’t work, it might help to come to grips with the unfolding climate change and the probability that there will be no water in twenty or thirty years. Regardless of the frightening nature of this notion, the widely-discussed necessity to save water constitutes a brilliant eco-friendly ice breaker and a convincing argument for someone who could consider having a tubmate. And if for some reason this wouldn’t be enough, mention all the profits provided by reconstructing probable scenarios of the sinking of the Titanic, impossible to carry out properly outside of water environment. Aside from conceiving happy memories, it’s also the best safety drill if we were to drown due to melting glaciers.
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