29 signs you’ve become a Parisian

Frequently questioning how to blend in with Parisians is probably one of the rites of passage for everyone who comes to the city. Now that tourists are omnipresent, one can only compare and wonder whether the goal has been accomplished. But how can you tell? Here are a few signs indicating you might’ve finally become a Parisian.

1. It’s Paname, not Paris.
2. The baguette is a staple, not a fashion accessory.
3. Berets are for tourists and older people.
4. You might not understand the phenomenon of pastis imported from the South, but you do understand it has its place in the Parisian ecosystem.
5. The same applies to pétanque and mölkky.
6. Discovering that non-smokers are not an endangered species feels quite surprising.
7. Apéro is sacred.
8. Trocadéro is best when avoided.
9. Champs-Élysées isn’t worth the hype.
10. Even though you have the utmost respect for Café de Flore’s history, it’s not a café where you go to grab a cup of coffee.
11. Your conversations consist mostly of non-articulated, single-syllable sounds like ‘ah bah oui’.
12. Scoffing is the pinnacle of your communication skills.
13. The highest praises in your evaluation scale are ‘not bad’ and ‘not dumb’.
14. The typical workday revolves around two crucial moments – lunchtime and afterwork.
15. You’re never in town in August unless you have no choice.
16. Tour Montparnasse was a terrible mistake you’ve been processing up to this day.
17. Traffic rules are nothing more but a friendly suggestion.
18. Your friends are usually each other’s exes.
19. You have at least one favorite bar where you go with your friends all the time, and all the bartenders know you.
20. There is no party without an after.
21. Eating between 2 PM and 7 PM means a hangover.
22. Noise? What noise?
23. Cheese without bread is unacceptable under any circumstances.
24. Big or small, a picnic in the summer is a must.
25. If you dress like other people, you’re doing it wrong.
26. Protests are common means of communication.
27. Instead of dreaming about Disneyland, you yearn for a hypermarket where you can buy everything in one go.
28. You stay loyal to PSG even if you know nothing about soccer.
29. You think Parisians are nice (and you are the only one to do so).